This morning I snoozed my alarm a bazillion times. My old dog Wendy was snoring her rhythmic snore.  My puppy, Molly, was nuzzled against my back, sound asleep, breathing in and out deeply. I was safe from the crisp October morning air under my new mandala print comforter. Jesus was so close. I kept dreaming of Him coming for me like Hawkeye came for Cora. Like the prince came for Cinderella.  Like Clint Eastwood standing in the pouring rain wishing so much that Meryl Streep would open that truck door in The Bridges of Madison County. It's a beautiful love story between God and His children. But people have painted it something else. He is mean, hard, constantly feels disrespected, and that his children will never measure up. So false. He is the One God, the most loving and graceful God. Think about the times you see something so precious it stops you and makes you cry tears of joy. That's Him! Think how much MORE He wants for us, to show us, to comfort us. Think just how close He would be to you if you were as open as He desired. It would be just like my puppy nuzzling against my back.

Through burning hot tears, I asked God what the central theme of my blog should be about. I knew I wanted to help women via coaching and lead them back to Him. But I felt I needed a central focus before I could start. Why the burning hot tears? Because I tend to demand perfection out of myself to the point where I don’t even act. I want to follow-through so desperately but the cost of being real paralyses me. Through the process of crying out to Him, He finally said softly, “Learn yourself.” It's not acceptable to speak poorly in my family, so when He said this, it was speaking to me in two different direct areas. One, I immediately felt like he was speaking slang-ish to me because that is how I tend to speak on the fly. I get tonged tied when put on the spot and can’t get the words that are in my mind out of my mouth and in the right order. It’s probably something diagnosable. Ha!  But I felt He was really speaking my language so I would hear Him.  The other way it hit me directly was with His humor. He loves to disarm me in this way. I often speak to Him frankly but there are many times I feel that I need to be super serious as if that will make my prayer more powerful. Then that’s when He gives me the humor. Kinda like He’s saying, “Baby Girl, I love you, speak however you need.” He also reminded me of what Iyanla Vanzant says to her clients--“Grow that little girl.” That is what I intend to do here with you. I promise to “grow” myself and I promise to grow your inner child as well. IF you are willing, of course. So... now I must ask, how is your “little girl”? Is she running the show? Is she ignored or hushed? Is she dying for someone to validate her hurts? All forgiveness assumed; we didn’t have the “raisin” God meant for us to have. But at some point, in our adult lives, we must take ownership of our heart, our past, and traumas (“big T” and “little t” traumas) so that we can live free. Truly free. This can take us years and lots of counseling, reflecting, and practice. But it is all worth it. Hey—you may even find that your shame was really your warrior fuel. This is what Viola Davis calls it in her memoir, Finding Me. She states that she had to start owning everything that had happened to her before she could love herself. I love that and not because it’s easy. It’s hard! But I adore the challenge because you get to take your power back. Power that some of us never even had! We are warriors. You may think what you have been through isn’t any worse than the next person’s past hurts or you might own that it was terrible. Either way, you have most likely been through the ringer, and I am here to listen and hold space for you. That is the purpose of my business and blog. When you are on the edge of the cliff, I will step in to put a lasso around you and listen as you speak your truth. With the wind in your hair and the mist from the clouds on your face, you will be heard. All my love, Sister, until next time. --Your loving coach, Sonya